How Barney Met Robin
by dr-canis-horriblus
Summary: Because of everything else going on lately, I figured that I'd post something in which Barney and Robin actually end up together- the true story of how Barney really met Robin, several months before Ted.


(Early 2005)

It was around 10:47 on a Friday night, but most bars were still open, as were most restaurants. After all, this was New York, which was clearly and appropriately named 'The City That Never Sleeps,' and that was a very true fact.

Barney had somehow ended up by himself tonight, even though he'd spent the entire day bugging Ted to join him on his, quote unquote, "legendary quest for conquests and desperate lonely chicks," but Ted shamelessly refused the offer, using the excuse that he'd only just met Barney and would need to get to know him better before he did any such thing with him.

"Fine," Barney agreed at the time, standing by Ted's door. "But I'm warning you, if tonight is super awesome and you miss out on it, then you're gonna…miss out on it! So you'd better rethink that no, Ted."

Ted thought about it genuinely for a couple of minutes, then, decidedly, said, "Nah, the no still stands."

Barney looked entirely disappointed, and the look showed on his face as he put his hands on his hips, lifting up the bottoms of his suit jacket as he did so.

"But," Ted continued. "If you, y'know, find any girls you think I could hit it off with, then-"

"Find some girls you could _hit it off with?"_ Barney echoed in shocked disbelief. "No! Uh-uh, back it off, Mosby! Girls are like donuts, Ted. Or chips. Once you find some, you're gonna wanna keep em' to yourself, no matter how much your best friend keeps insisting that you should share them."

"This conversation just took a turn for the super weird," Ted remarked dryly. "Look, Barney, I'm fine, I promise. Marshall, Lily and I are gonna order pizza, throw back some good quality beer, and marathon watch the Jurassic Park trilogy. In other words, we're gonna have a fantastic night."

"Yeah, fantastic maybe, but not awesome, that's for sure."

"Barney.."

"Fine, Ted, I get it! Ya don't wanna join me on what's going to be a legendary night on the town, I see the big picture now. Y'know what? I don't need you for this anyway. I can have a great night without you. I mean who knows? Maybe I'll actually find myself a new girlfriend."

Ted smiled, hoping that Barney was finally coming around.

"Haha, not!" Barney then added, goofy smile plastered on his face. "Psych, I was impersonating you, ya crazy love starved loser!"

Ted rolled his eyes, growing sick of the sarcasm that Barney had been peddling ever since the first day they met.

"But in all seriousness, I'm leaving now, so uh…don't have too much fun without me, 'kay, Ted?"

"Deal," Ted replied disgustedly, watching as Barney headed- or more like skipped off- down the halls. Ted himself headed back inside of his apartment, excited for the fun that he, Marshall, and Lily were going to have, just like the old days.

Now, Barney stood against the counter at MacLaren's, deep in conversation with a brunette in a low-cut tank top. Tonight, he was perpetuating the lie that his name was Edward O' Sisa, and he was the inventor of the Internet.

"You're really the inventor of the internet?" she asked him in awe.

"Uh-huh." He nodded, in his mind knowing that he was definitely going to get somewhere with this ditzy 26 year old. "And, get this. I- wait for it- also invented- wait for it- Modern computers!" He smiled. Tonight, his charm was at its highest, and he realized it as the girl hugged him. He winked to no one in particular, just feeling the need to. After all, this was just too easy.

As she hugged him, the door to the bar opened, letting in the breeze from outside, and for a moment, his attention was taken as he watched who was coming in. A beautiful woman, in her very early thirties, entered the bar, and Barney couldn't simply take his eyes off of her. There was something very magical and unique about this woman- she had straight brown hair, greenish-blue colored eyes like diamonds, and was wearing a white sundress, something that Barney was and always would be attracted to.

The girl that he had previously been trying to enthrall stopped hugging him, but he kept staring at the woman who'd just walked in. _This one might be dumb, _he thought to himself on the topic of the one he was with. _But that one's even hotter!_

"Would you…excuse me for a minute?" he asked the girl, who had previously introduced herself as Cassandra. She nodded, and Barney then began making his way over to the 'newbie' at the bar counter.

He straightened his tie. "Hi, names Edward O' Sisa, I'm the inventor of the Internet, nice to meet you." He held out his hand for the woman, who didn't, for one second, even slightly believe him.

"Yeah, I'm not falling for that," she told him. She ordered two scotch on the rocks from the bartender before turning her attention back to Barney. "Try that again, and this time, do your real name."

He paused and quicky licked his lips. "Hi, name's George Lotmeyer, I'm the CEO of-"

"Oh for the love of God!" the woman cursed, clearly frustrated. "Tell me your real name or I swear I will slap you!"

Barney backed off a little bit, literally taking a few steps back. "Wow, somebody's not in a good mood today!'

The woman sighed, pushing a hair out of her face. Barney could tell, upon further inspection, that she had not long ago been crying. "Yeah, I just broke up, big whoop, I'll get over it." Her drinks arrived and she took the first one quickly.

Though tonight she was in a classically week spot, which, in other girls, was what encouraged them to go home with Barney, he could sense that she wasn't that type. And that was partially why he resisted the urge to encourage her to do something that she'd likely later regret. So, he calmed himself a bit and decided to make conversation with her rather than make out with her.

"Sorry about your breakup," he apologized. "The name's Barney. Barney Stinson. For reals." He held out his hand, and this time, she shook it.

"I'm Robin," she introduced herself. "And as for the breakup, I'll be fine. You seem like the type that's probably done some breaking up of your own back in the day."

He was surprised at this uniquely sassy response. "Wow," he said with a smile. "You're a snappy one. I like that." He eyed her drinks. "So…you're a scotch drinker too?"

She nodded. "Yeah, everything else is just too…watered down, you feel me?"

"I do indeed feel you," Barney agreed as he took a sip of his own. "Do you like laser tag?"

She was a bit confused by the fact that this question came up so randomly in conversation, but answered with, "Um…sure, yeah, why not?" She popped a peanut into her mouth from the dish on the counter.

"I'm a five-year champion," Barney said slyly.

Robin looked stunned. "Cool. But not really something a lot of people aim for in life."

"Not purposefully, but it sure is an awesome title to hold."

"I believe you. Truly."

He smiled, half-smiled at her more accurately. It had been awhile- a really long time actually- since he'd made conversation like this with any woman. This one- Robin- was different for sure. Maybe at some point she'd be another conquest for him, but for now, she was becoming a pretty awesome friend. And that alone was important to Barney.

"Oh, shoot!" she exclaimed, looking down at her shirt. "I dropped a peanut in my bra," she told him. "Hang on, I'll get it out." She fished around before she pulled out a small peanut, then proceeded to pop it in her mouth. "There, got it." She noticed Barney, who was sort of just staring at her, likely because he'd never seen anyone do that before.

"What?" she asked.

"Something tells me you just like it dirty," he told her, somewhat flirtatiously.

She scoffed. "Nah. Well, not usually. But…you know, there are times."

After a few minutes of silence, Barney asked, "Hey, how would you like to go play a couple rounds of laser tag with me and just kinda, maybe, forget about your problems?"

To his surprise, Robin didn't refuse. "Yeah, why not." She got up, and Barney accompanied her, walking with her out the door, when she later added, "It's been a while since I got to shoot anything, so this should be fun."

"Wait, a while?" Barney repeated.

"I have a gun at home," Robin stated. "That a problem?"

"No! Of course not!" Barney replied with a laugh, in his mind thinking _hot!_

They took a cab to the local laser tag arena, which was near closing but fortunately open later than usual since it was Friday night.

Once they were in and he instructed her how to play, the night got increasingly fun from there. Shooting down kids with laser guns proved to be a great way for Robin to get her pent up anger out, and by the end of the night, Barney realized that she was a great competition. After each rousing game, they high-fived, then finished off with corn dogs and funnel cakes- delightfully casual food for a delightfully casual night.

When they had left, Robin felt happier, looser, and more relieved, and Barney could tell by the way she was acting. They walked together (he had promised he would walk her home if she gave him her address), making small talk all the while. Currently, they were on topic of the guy who'd just dumped her.

"Well, anyway, he had the personality of a brick wall, so…I'm glad we broke it off," she concluded to Barney.

"Sounds like a total loser," he responded, picking his teeth with a toothpick.

"Yeah, well, what can I say? We all go for 'em at some point, am I right?" She playfully elbowed him.

He flicked the toothpick off somewhere. "Oh, yeah, totally."

Eventually, they came to the steps of Robin's apartment. "Well, here it is I guess," Barney stated. It was at this point that he found himself in true disbelief when the realization of it all hit him- the fact that he was walking a girl he'd only just met home, and that for once, he probably wouldn't be going upstairs with her.

"I had a lot of fun tonight," he told Robin. "I haven't actually, like, taken any girl out like that for a long time, I mean…usually they just go straight in that night and back out the next day, what up!" He held out his hand for a high five, which Robin didn't hesitate in giving to him.

"I had fun too," she replied. "Who knew that the blond stranger at the bar was such a fun guy, huh?"

He smiled, and they both quieted, standing directly in front of each other. They were so close in fact that their chests were up against one other's, and their faces were practically pressed together, in such an undistanced proximity that they could feel their warm breath on each other's faces in the cool night air.

Barney leaned in, about to go for a kiss, when suddenly, his cell phone rang, interrupting the course of things.

"Hold on, lemme get that." He pulled out his phone and checked who was calling. "It's Ted."

"Oh," Robin said, as if she knew who that was. She backed off a little bit to give Barney space.

"He's my best friend," Barney explained. "But man, can he be annoying sometimes." He grumbled annoyed before answering. "Go for Barney." The conversation that followed between he and Ted was just a little strange to Robin.

"Hang on a second, so what you're trying to tell me is that Marshall ate something that now allows him to hear colors?" When Ted answered on the other line, Barney just rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'll be there to help Marshall as soon as I can. Until then, please tell him to describe to you what yellow sounds like. Bye." He hung up promptly.

"So I take it you've also got a friend named Marshall?" Robin inquired.

Barney nodded. "Yeah, and both he and Ted are total nut bags."

"Ah. I get you."

"So…I guess I gotta go home, but…we will see each other again some day, right?"

"Oh, for sure we will. I gave you my number, right?"

He nodded. "Mm-hmm."

"Then we're good! I'll, uh, see you around, Barn."

"You too, Rob."

With that, they parted, and Barney headed towards his own apartment, which was only a few blocks away. He couldn't help but look back at Robin, who was still standing there, almost like she regretted not doing something. His only wish was that they would meet again, because even though he wasn't the 'dating' type, he had to admit that maybe, a little ways down the road, he'd consider such a thing with her.

(Several months later)

A few months had passed since the acquaintance with Robin, and tonight, Barney and Ted were at MacLaren's, bro-ing out together once more. It was just an ordinary night so far- Barney was trying to pick up some dumb blonde he'd just met, having since forgotten about his encounter with the truly awesome woman named Robin. Recently, Ted had been consistently reminding Barney of the fact that Ted wanted more than anything to start getting serious in a relationship and beginning his search for 'the one' which Barney tended to ignore, since settling down wasn't something he believed in. But Barney had taken it into his hands to become Ted's best bro and wingman, so this was a position he'd have to live up to.

At the moment, Barney was just sort of spacing out when Ted called his name. "Hey Barney- you see that girl?"

Barney turned to look, and who should it be but Robin, the woman he'd hit it off with so well two months previously. She appeared even more beautiful tonight, if possible, dressed in a green turtleneck and wearing pearl earrings.

Recalling on the impression of the last time they'd met, Barney said the first thing that popped into his head: "Oh, yeah, you just know she likes it dirty!"

He figured that, even if they didn't have too much in common, attempting to hook her up with Ted was worth a shot.

"Hi, haaaave you met Ted?" He played it cool, pretending like he didn't know who Robin was and herding her in Ted's direction. "I'll leave you two to get acquainted."

Barney pretended to get distracted and wandered off, leaving Ted and Robin to themselves.

From the booth, he watched the two talk. He couldn't deny the fact that he was, in a sense, very drawn to Robin, and for more than just one time too. He was attracted to her in a way that made it feel like a relationship between them would last for a long time, if not potentially forever.

Then, he caught himself, realizing that he was being all too much like Ted and thinking too far into the future. In reality, Barney himself knew that he was, in no way, ready for a committed relationship right now, and he didn't know for certain if he ever really would be.

Since the breakup with Shannon, he'd hardened himself so much, forming a metaphorical protective shell around him and controlling any deeper emotions he thought he may have had. And it wasn't all something that could just change overnight, so if he really was interested in pursuing Robin eventually, he was well aware that there certainly were things he needed to work on.

But for now, he shrugged it all off and instead focused on Ted, proud of his accomplishments as his best wingman. He couldn't help but smile when Robin tossed a drink in Ted's face as well, watching his shocked expression then and walking over to Ted to flaunt the words "De- wait for it- nied! DENIED!"

Not long after that, Robin became part of their little group, and the rest of them treated her like a family member, save for Ted who sought her more as a romantic interest. But even when they dated, Robin remembered that one night long ago, when she and Barney made that strange connection and discovered that they had so many things in common. Because of this, they would always be closer than anyone else. And eight years down the road, Barney would include this fact in his wedding vows. It was because of MacLaren's. It was because of Ted. But most importantly, it was because of laser tag.


End file.
